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When we think of status symbols, what do we think of?
Usually, we think of things that many of us, including myself, don’t have. Things that visibly communicate wealth, prestige, or social position:
A Rolex watch. Designer handbags. Ferraris. Lamborghinis. Large houses. Prestigious neighborhoods. Designer brands. First-class travel. A bathrobe…
Wait, wait. Say that last one again.
Did you say, “A bathrobe??”
Yup. You heard that right.
A bathrobe.
You see, I’ve cruised a few times in my life, specifically with RC. This last one, though, was with NC.
One of my favorite activities on the ship is soaking in a really, really hot jacuzzi, so it didn’t take long to realize that I needed a bathrobe so I wouldn’t freeze afterward. I mean, I could use a large towel, but why not a robe?
So, on Day 3, I approached my cabin attendant.
“Could I get a robe, please?”
There was a pause.
Not a long pause. But a meaningful pause.
The kind of pause that makes you realize you’ve just asked for something you were never supposed to ask for.
But after experiencing RC, I just had to ask. On RC, I was thinking, Of course they have robes. I’ll just ask housekeeping.
Then NC apparently says:
Robes? For YOU? Perhaps you should speak with the appropriate authorities.
It was an innocent request. Having sailed RC enough times, I had become accustomed to robes being readily and generously available, like napkins.
So naturally, when I got to my NC cabin, I thought: Where’s my robe?
My housekeeper hesitated for just a moment, but very sweetly, he brought me one.
He didn’t explain anything. He didn’t say, “Ma’am, are you sure you understand the implications of what you’re asking for?”
He just handed me the robe. So I happily put it on and wore it around my cabin – and around the ship.
Like a perfectly normal person.
Then another guest casually mentioned something I apparently should have known.
The robes were for guests staying in The Haven.
Oh.
Suddenly, the bathrobe wasn’t a bathrobe anymore.
It was a status symbol.
And I was wearing one on Deck 9.
My entire attitude changed.
Five minutes earlier, I was strolling around in my robe thinking, Look at me. I’m on vacation.
Now I was walking through Deck 9 like I had stolen a Rolex.
I became convinced I was going to be apprehended at any moment by the Bathrobe Police.
Was someone watching me?
Was there a special security camera for unauthorized terrycloth?
Was a Haven employee going to appear from around the corner and whisper, “Excuse me, ma’am. May I see your cabin key?”
And then I remembered what I was wearing on my feet.
Dollar Tree flip-flops.
Oh noooo.
Now I wasn’t just worried about being caught in the wrong bathrobe.
I was worried they were going to look down.
Please don’t look at my feet.
Please don’t look at my feet.
Because the robe was saying: “Luxury accommodation.”
My flip-flops were saying: “Aisle 7, $1.25” (price adjusted for inflation).
The kind with cheerful orange, green, and pink Caribbean prints screaming “budget vacation.” The only thing missing is an image of a flamingo.
I suddenly felt like an impostor. There I was, wrapped in an NC bathrobe, wearing Dollar Tree flip-flops, desperately trying to project the kind of effortless elegance that requires no explanation.
I started walking differently.
I kept my feet moving.
Don’t make eye contact.
Don’t look suspicious.
And most of all…..
Don’t let anyone look at my feet.
I had unknowingly crossed the great social divide of cruising.
I wasn’t Haven. I wasn’t even pretending to be Haven.
I was simply a woman on Deck 9 who had innocently acquired a bathrobe and now feared the consequences.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more self-conscious about an article of clothing in my life.
Not a designer handbag.
Not a fancy dress.
A bathrobe.
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And the funny thing is, I didn’t even want it because I was trying to look fancy and declaring myself Countess of Deck 17. I wanted it because I had just gotten out of a hot tub and didn’t want to freeze.
But at that point, I’ve already breached the class barrier. And I was afraid that the bathrobe authorities would come after me.
“Ma’am, you’re under arrest for stealing a bathrobe.”
Yikes.
In NC world, bathrobes are not simply bathrobes. They are Haven status symbols. Guests in The Haven get robes. They also get to occupy those mysterious higher decks where people apparently live differently from the rest of us. And they don’t have to fall in line for omelets during breakfast.
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People on Deck 9 like me?
Well…
The moment I learned that terrycloth has a hierarchy on NC, I became painfully conscious of my deck number.
Deck 9.
Suddenly, it didn’t feel like a deck anymore. It felt like a social classification, like being in steerage class.
RC had conditioned me to believe that if I paid to get on a ship, somebody would eventually hand me something fluffy.
But now I know better.
You always learn something new on every cruise.
Especially when you accidentally discover that bathrobes have a social hierarchy.
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Video Credit: The Pink Panther Theme (Henry Mancini – YouTube)
Image Credits: Anna Rocamora’s Collection; It Could Happen To You – Night at The Plaza (YouTube – Susan Firth)
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